Giving Yourself Away

I love to GIVE. Period. Why? Because I love seeing people rise, achieve greatness and success. My heart is full when I give. It is one of the most beautiful things I enjoy the most about connecting with people.

HOWEVER,  I was stuck in a giving cycle because I felt that I needed to GIVE unconditionally in order to GET love, be accepted and valued. Which, resulted in resentment, being burned out and feeling taken advantage of. I also never found anyone else giving to back to me with the same level of intensity and frequency. I often saw people as being selfish and withdrawn from me. So what did I do? I gave more. To everyone, every chance I got, regardless of the situation and regardless of how much I was putting myself and the relationship on the line. I gave without asking.

What I was falling to realize is that the concept of giving is an exchange of energy that has no guaranteed outcome and no limit. You can give and give endlessly and  possibly see no change. I could give forever and still not see the “Love” I was looking for in return.  I would never see it match the amount of energy I was putting in. That, could never exist or be a real way to measure my value.

I was giving from a place of neediest. Giving from what I didn’t have within myself. Giving without fully understanding the risks I was putting myself in. I borrowed money to lend to those who needed it “more”, I was consistently present at events, parties and fundraisers despite the exhaustion,  I pushed through sleepy eyes because a friend needed to vent for hours, and never sent a call to voicemail or ignored a text message in fear of being perceived as not available. Often this wasn’t the same person. It was multiple people sometimes on the same day! There was no time for Sarah to eat in peace, sleep, watch TV, and read. I became so addicted, that I couldn’t function without that constant interaction, even if I created it. To be alone with myself was foreign and I felt guilty. I felt I was being selfish.

How else could I feel? I learned this pattern from my parents who often showered me with affection and praise when I brought home good grades. And only when I did exactly as they wanted. It was a conditional exchange of love. I knew no different. But then came a shift. I was getting sick, having nightmares consistently, I was cranky and irritable. The more I gave, the more I needed my friends. I was in a cycle of addictive behavior. I decided to stop everything, created “time off” for a few days, alone.

People started to question me, ask what was wrong, why I wasn’t posting on Facebook, if I was upset with them. Some cut me off completely since I didn’t show up for their events and parties. Some slowly started withdrawing from my life. It hurt bad, VERY BAD. After gallons of tears, and a series of nights pondering: what’s wrong with me? Why do people not like me anymore? Today, I  realized a huge distinction. There’s a reason pictures of people giving most usually have someone reaching out for help and the other one giving their hand. The ones receiving, want the gift. They are ready to get it, they need it and depend on it to get them through. It’s adding value to their life and enhancing their position of where they are going since they are climbing the mountain. They are on the road to betterment and change. You are in contribution to their life. Giving when others are not ready to receive can rob them of the lessons they need to learn to gain the skills necessary for their growth, and/or can seem pushy and controlling.

I am an excellent giver, motivator, supporter.  But, now I choose being in contribution to organized groups of people who want my support. To individuals who are seeking me out to share my talents and skills with them to bring them new possibilities. When in contribution, the result is clear. The outcome is easier to access and measure since its based on intentional growth.

I no longer need validation by everyone and need to trade my gifts for love. I get to be myself and create relationships with a healthy exchange of love and support without any expectations. That also includes maintaining a loving relationship with myself. Plus, the real proof of love lies among those who still are my honest friends.


IMG_0030-2I am an image coach who works with women to find their authenticity, increase their feminine appeal and become empowered. Please also feel free to comment below or on my Facebook at www.facebook.com/nuvoarts

 

Artist Process: Angela Abreu Book Interview

Hi Darlings,

I wanted to switch things up and highlight a powerful, beautiful Latina woman who is creating a local buzz here in the Bronx. I had the awesome opportunity to interview Angela Abreu, writer/poet of her book “I Have No Room for the Broken.” Angela has chosen to express herself in a way that her pain has opened IMG_2584up understanding and the possibility of healing for many women. At the same time, it has allowed her to set her pain free through her poetry and simultaneously through publishing her book.

For years she used writing and poetry as a means of therapy and self-expression to aid her through some tough experiences with love. “I express myself in the moment I feel it …..but I don’t consider myself a performing artist”. Since 2013 she grappled with fears of judgement, negative opinions and especially feedback from her family and overcame it to finally publish the book. As of now, its been very well received and many women are inspired to see the value to choose self-love.

The book serves as a provocative first hand personal reflection to love and heartbreak and she also shares some challenges she has had with her father.  A common obstacle she faced was being “too opinionated” and independent, a common result of conflicting old school latino mentality and her american culture. “But my father, he was disappointed in me. He assumed that my being unmatched was due to my not using my mouth as I should.” [pg. 41]. It is very common for latino women growing up in the U.S. with strong latino roots to struggle to figure out how to live in a society that goes against your cultural upbringing and morals. Especially, when it comes to romantic relationships.

Despite the profound and moving poems in this book, the one thing that strongly stuck out to me is her resilience to continue to share her voice that she continues to take to higher levels. Currently, she is working on a Spanish translation and has some concerns about her family reading the book, including her father. They mostly speak and read only in Spanish and now she is going to challenge that and open herself up to the possibility of both a negative and positive impact.

I wonder if there is an Amber Alert for women who lose themselves in Love.”

I admire her determination to share and inspire both the American and Latino women in such a powerful and vulnerable way. Clearly, the goal isn’t about her, it’s about empowering women to fully love themselves. The book includes a “Survival to do list”, a step by step guide to break up and love yourself in the process. Not only is she inspiring, she is demonstrating a courageous example of self-love by honoring her own voice at the same time. It’s not often that you meet an artist, writer or anyone who is a living embodiment of the example they are making.

On Saturday, March 26th, there will be a dramatic performance based on the book. Tickets are available at Eventbrite. She will have books also available for sale at this event. You can also purchase copies of the book on Amazon or on her website at http://www.ihavenoroomforthebroken.com. Don’t miss an opportunity to connect with Angy at her event or miss out on this must have book!

More about Angela Abreu:

Angela “A93928435-C17E-4C52-8821-EA35AAB7420Bngy” Abreu is a Dominican-American mom, activist, organizer, poet, and freelance writer. Angy known for is co-founding Wordat4F, a grass-root traveling bi-lingual open mic series in Washington Heights whose aim is to provide a platform for creative artists from all over NYC to showcase their works in spoken word, poetry, theater and the visual arts.

Angy is a young woman, who is about “activating” her community into making moves for the greater good and creating networks of support for those in most need of it. She is considered a game changer, a move maker and a force to be reckoned with. She believes that if we all join forces we can achieve a greater change.

Up to something? Please feel free to let me know in the comments below or email me at Sarah@nuvoarts.net

 

 

 

Fashion Copycat

Hi Darlings,

It is a wonderful thing to express yourself the way you want and feel with makeup, fashion and style. But, there is a fine line between that and copying the latest trend, fad or someone else to fit in and be accepted. I went through a period of being a “copycat”.  I share my story in the video below..

I listened to other people’s opinions about me and allowed it to change who I was. It’s not worth it! I was miserable. I questioned everything about me and became very insecure. I chose to find my voice again to be happy with myself and that took a very long process. Thankfully, I found my way to finding peace in my authenticity.

It is so detrimental to listen to negativity and believe everything people say. Everyone will have an opinion good or bad. You get to be secure with who you are and believe that you are great just as you are. Any changes you make are coming from your inner desires and goals. Don’t ever doubt who you are and what you look like. Be-You-tiful!!

For a limited time, I am sharing  some tricks and tips I used to develop a positive relationship with myself! Join me in a FREE Feminine Styling Sessions!. This is for women who want to call forth a vision of themselves that matches the lifestyle they are creating! Sign up now, spaces fill up fast. Click here.


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I am a personal branding stylist and image coach who works with women to find their authenticity, increase their feminine appeal and become empowered. Please also feel free to comment below or on my Facebook page.

 

 

Falling in Love with You

Hi darlings,

How often do you seek approval or want acknowledgement? It is important, but it shouldn’t be your main source of fulfillment. You are the only one who can genuinely make yourself feel confident and fulfilled. Yesterday, a lesson struck me about self-love and value. View my message…

 

You need to value yourself 100%. Starting with daily affirmations or just talking to yourself in a loving way can start to shift your perspective. You are the sole source of your encouragement and fulfillment, soon enough you’ll start to radiate and people will notice. That cannot be bought in stores, or fabricated in any way.  That is the beginning source of finding your own happiness.

Just be you. It’s enough.

 

IMG_0030-2I am a personal branding stylist and image coach who works with women to find their authenticity, increase their feminine appeal and become empowered. Please also feel free to comment below or on my Facebook at www.facebook.com/nuvoarts

Get a FREE styling session today! Click here

My Summer Canvas of Arts

Hi all!

This summer I embraced a little of what the Arts can offer in New York City and I got to see lots of  performances. I’m excited to share with you what I saw and how it impacted me for the rest of the year.

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If I had one major take away it would be how much I saw men performing, that for me, was the most impactful and beautiful thing. It is powerful. I have always encouraged my male students to keep creating and performing since I feel it’s so rare. Additionally, celebrating my culture was a big theme this summer. I am proud that people are continually and consistently showing the world what Latinos are capable of and telling our varied stories in tasteful enriching ways, especially by ethnic men. It’s a voice that I feel we all need, one that should never be absent in any form of expression.

In reflection, my summer has provoked me to create, inspired me to get on stage, and motivated me to step out of my comfort zone. There is excitement for what I am inventing and creating! When was the last time the arts inspired you to share your story? Or inspired what are meant to be doing? I would love to hear all about it! Share your thoughts on my Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/nuvoarts !!

Shoot me an email if you would like more information about any of the performances I mentioned in this post!

IMG_0015-2I am a personal branding stylist and image coach who works with women to find their authenticity, increase their feminine appeal and become empowered. Get the inside scoop on what I got going on by joining my exclusive “Classy, Sexy and Fierce” Facebook group by clicking here.

 

 

 

Dress To Impress…Yourself

Hey all! Decided to try out something different and went with a video. Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to shine! Not to impress anyone or to show off, but just because it feels good. Beauty and style does the body good…be a rock star!!!

I recently celebrated my birthday and I did things a little differently. I didn’t realize the impact it would have on me and everyone could see I was glowing.  I share a little about my experience and how I felt out celebrating.

 

What you don’t know is, that day it was raining and I planned a rooftop party! Even though I wanted to change my mind and wear jeans instead, I stuck to my vision of seeing myself look like a star. I’m glad I didn’t change clothes. The rain slowed down and it really didn’t make an impact on what I was wearing at all.  It also lifted my spirits when I went to the bathroom and saw how nice it was to see myself in a dress.

In the end it’s not about the dress or the heels or even the makeup. It’s about how you feel as a woman. Too often we don’t get to embrace the fullness of how that feels since we all have busy lives and play many roles day-to-day. We get lost in it all and lose touch with that feeling of beauty, sensuality, and femininity. It’s empowering and inspiring to others.

We actually need to feel beautiful as much as possible. After this experience, I now create that feeling everyday in some way. Whether it’s by wearing a special bracelet I cherish, putting on the fancy perfume,  or wearing a bold lipstick, I try to make myself feel adorned and beautified. It reminds me that I don’t need to wait for anyone else to make me feel special or beautiful. I don’t need a reason or permission.  I don’t need to put a ton of effort into it or make it reach some type of standard. It is whatever makes me shine.

When was the last time you got all glam? Pick a day within this week that you’ll focus on looking fab. Get a few friends to join you! I would love for you to tell me all about it! Send me an email at Sarah@nuvoarts.net or at http://www.facebook.com/nuvoarts

 

Dressing the Part

I never saw beauty in the mirror. I saw this weird awkward looking girl with a big nose, braces and a long, skinny body. But, I did have some appreciation for myself,  based on my friends, I had an awesome personality. I just couldn’t figure out how to mesh it all together to feel good and like myself enough.

In high school I was very drawn to fashion and design. I was a very creative teen, always experimenting with ideas I read in fashion magazines, creating  fashion designs and sketching fashion models. I wanted to create my image and style to express myself and build my feminine sex appeal. J. Crew, GAP, and Polo were brands I admired and copied. There was something about the classic looks that I felt were sophisticated and a contrast to what I saw on a daily basis in the Bronx, not just the limited variety of t-shirts and sneakers. There was style and intentional choices about accessories and color. It was different, unique, like me.

It became a conscious choice to build a new version of myself. I had assembled my template of looks from various brands, always keeping that “look” in mind when shopping. I figured I could look smart and sophisticated and that would increase my attractiveness. When I landed a job at the GAP, I was in heaven.! The access gave me an understanding of the “GAP Attitude” and I noticed I was “being upgraded or sophisticated”. My choice of words and language, feelings of myself all shifted into knowing that I am unique and I really can do anything I want and be somebody.

The store was on 5th Avenue and I would pass my favorite stores and again found myself adopting new brands to copy. I was constantly pushing myself to feel closer to what I thought those brands were selling. It was poise and confidence I was after. The big loose pants and long skirts I wore to cover up started to disappear as I pushed the envelope and embraced my physique and all I could wear. Should wear. That included mini skirts, fitted tops, shorts and form-fitting dresses and jeans. No longer trapping myself in baggy loose clothing.

Modeling and competing in pageants only further supported me.  I saw myself as sexy with a sassy personality. My doubts about my physical image were still there but I was choosing to shine regardless. If anyone had made negative comments to me, I knew it was their problem not mine. “You’re so skinny” quickly followed with “You’re so fat or annoying”. No longer was I going to allow people’s judgement affect me. Soon enough I increased my confidence and learned to embrace who I was inside and out. It was finally starting to mesh.

My love for fashion, style and clothes stems from how it brought me though a place of uncertainty and doubt to a confident, secure, sophisticated woman. I’m sure there are many women who use clothing to attract attention to feel better about themselves, but I never went down that path. It was more about aspiring to create a version of myself that I knew was there. An image that resembled the woman I was in the world. That vision came with a necessary shift in my thoughts, language, and even mannerisms. I had no idea that adopting an image would call forth the inner desire I had of who I reflected in my being.

Fashion and style is about expressing your true self and showing the world who you are and how unique and beautiful it is.

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